Saturday, May 30, 2009

The Physicality of Writing.

"But what about stories?" she made herself wonder, losing her place on the page.

It doesn't matter where she was, because she wasn't really there.

"Am I consuming these books too fast, this feels gluttonous. Will I remember what I've learned? How could I? It's already been digested. Will I remember the feeling of being inside of this character? No-the character won't be the same next time I read this, because I won't be the same"

She had once measured her time in pages. Leafing through the heft of a well-loved book, she could calculate how many cigarettes she'd smoked per hour...the ash finding its grave between every few pages.

Maybe this time she wrote when she should have let herself read. Today she is tidy and she looks to have forgotten how.



(This may be elaborated upon, depending on if I choose to read or write)

Monday, May 11, 2009

This is Routine.

Today:

So I'm sitting at my kitchen table, writing a paper and eating a really hot, splenda-sticky sweet potato. I pick up something under the table, my head hitting my notebook with my po-tot on top. The potato falls in my hair. Pause. Notebook falls and my hair gets tangled in the spirals. I was on the phone with Amanda at the time...and she told me that sounded like a routine event for me.

Later...I'm crossing the street towards school. A car is speeding towards me as I'm on the crosswalk. I jump off my bike, my hanging suspenders get stuck under the seat and I drop my bike in front of the car. A girl walking behind me trips over my bike and gets her shoe lace stuck in the spokes.

Afternoon...Once again wandering, I see a shiztu walking all by himself down the sidewalk. I start calling towards him. A guy across the street looks at me, and precedes to chase the dog, thinking it belongs to me. So I run away. I don't know why.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

"a map is more unreal, than where you've been or how you feel"

After a very ungrounded weekend I'm finally jumping down from the swing set. I'm really trying to find more balance in myself. I've felt particularly scatter-brained but summer adventuring plans are already in the mix! I'm already playing my Summer playlist...

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Quixotic?

Let's take a look at this. Quixotic: 1: foolishly impractical especially in the pursuit of ideals ; especially : marked by rash lofty romantic ideas or extravagantly chivalrous action.

This comment came up a few days ago, although it had been floating around in my mind for a while beforehand. I guess in terms of my art, I hope to effect people. That is not to say that I assume that I will be able to. I just don't feel like it's worth making art unless you strive for this. I know I've certainly felt changed from others' art.

When I think of other issues such as overpopulation & our growing consumerism, I can still fall into the category of being 'naively' optimistic. Because there are things that are beyond our ability to anticipate, I don't see why the rational choice is often to accept and (sometimes) give up on working towards a change in our current situation.

All this said, this state of optimism works for me. I'm just recently discovering this after a year of intense analytic endeavors into myself. By remaining naive in some ways, I can constantly take in new information. Any pessimism can just be acknowledged and filtered out so that I can pursue the path to fixing what I can on my minuscule level.


Friday, May 1, 2009

Almost There.

I feel like it's summer already. Unfortunately all that means is I have a desire to do nothing but roam around Beverly with slow summer music in my mind. I'm pretty restless but hope to push myself back into a place where I can get some things accomplished. Once I can get out of my head and come back down to earth that is. I don't know why I keep isolating myself in my thoughts, but maybe it's necessary for me right now while I revise my artist statement. I obviously am the only one who can fully understand what it is that I believe in...these are the type of existential thoughts that I fearfully make myself accept daily. However, I still want to begin communicating my ideas as I once did in my notebook (hence the blog).

After schools out, I want to pursue intense adventurism! I'm talking about 20 mile walks again, concerts that bring me to another place, traveling to see friends, surfing, and lots of documentation.

I should probably go hang out with my neglected kitteh.